Closure.

clo·sure

noun

1. the act of closing; the state of being closed.

2. a bringing to an end; conclusion.
 

A bringing to an end: Conclusion. Closure is something so simple, but something I don't always get. The best way to end things are on a mutual basis, on a good note, with at least a reason to why it ended the way it did.

To those who received closure, be contented you at least had the reasons instead of figuring out for the rest of your life when you have nothing to do, all the questions of why whichever circumstances and issues had ended the way it did.

I never had closure with Irfan. He was the very first person who taught me so many things, and one of them was that not everything in life would have a conclusion. It has been 3 years now. And in all honesty, I would say that I am still left hanging here with why we became the way that we are right now. Jealously played a role in this, being a bitch had a slice of it, but what was the real god damned reason? That you just miraculously woke up one day and decided not to be nice to me anymore and simply fall for another girl? What did I do wrong? I never knew. Why you are still not accepting me on facebook after so long? I never knew. Why whenever we share the same air, you'd never look me in the eye much less converse with me? I never knew. I just know we ended on a bad note, from closest ever friends, sharing anything and everything under the sun to what we are right now. Strangers who knew each other perfectly but would never talk again. Yes I'm emotional, but I bet you already knew that from the first time you fell for me. I just need closure, I've been wanting that since... forever. I am still waiting that one day, you can text me out for a drink, and tell me all the things you wanted to say but never got a chance to.

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And then, one of the most "memorable" guy was 11, the most recent guy. He never gave me closure either, but at least for him, I reckon his feelings faded. He is young and I understand.

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Closure, one of the most rare things I'd ever get, so vulnerable but precious.

Why am I blogging about this today? Because I'm talking to someone I've not spoken to for nearly a year. A year ago, he left me hanging. Even as a friend... I was like ghost to him. And now he starts talking to me again... what am I supposed to feel? Never knew why he left me then, only to come back now. Constantly reminding myself that nothing will come out of this.

I need answers, I need closure. I lose a tiny part of myself whenever I find myself baffled at the way humans treat one another. Make my life easier, hurt me if you must, I just want closure.