I can’t understand why I’m always left with all these pieces to pick up. I’m always the one having to withhold the hurt that I’m getting. I’m always the one trying so hard. But are all these actions worth it?
Love; do I really understand what love is all about? I’m only 17. What do I know about love? Then again, who is to say that young people cannot experience and realize what love is about?
Teenage love; Often the sweetest love of them all. Tell me, when else will you get someone running up to your door to give you flowers? When else would someone tweet about his feelings, or ask for your forgiveness? When else would you have time to hold someone’s hands and run down the road with nothing but love in your mind? Because when in time, we all grow up, we live in such realistic world that everything involves money. Teenage love, I’d say is where we experienced sweetest and most genuine love. Because that’s when we only know that we should give our love to the other party and that everything can come later.
Up till now and right at this moment, I can safely say I truly loved only one person. He makes me happy, he makes me smile. All my troubles disappear whenever I think of him. He was always there for me, no matter what the situation is about. He; was the one who turned me into what I am today. I can say that without him, I don’t know where I am now. A school drop-out? An ITE student? Or nothing at all? He brought smiles to my life, the pictures we took. The little notes we had for each other. Just him and I. The hugs we shared, everything was so perfect. Well as they say, good things come to an end. I just had to lose him, and I lost him for good. I lost him to someone else, and it hurts every inch of me but what could I do? I’ve blogged about him so many times, so so so many times. And do you know why? The reason is only because I’m not willing to give up because I still have discontent. I don’t want sorry, I don’t want excuses. I want to know WHY, I want to know the reason WHY you left me. Why did you leave me for her? Was I not good enough for you? Was I not pretty enough? What was it about? Why can’t you just tell me and clarify things with me? Why can’t you just let me continue with my life without an inch of regret? And that’s why I wait, I wait for the truth. And that’s only because I’ve loved you that much, yet you never knew.
Then there were all these heavy infatuations and crushes that I have on those boys. But I know that it was never love.
How about that boy I’m going crazy over this year? This is the first time I’m blogging about him, and will be the last. The first time I saw him, I was pretty sad because I knew he wasn’t in my class as he didn’t go to orientation. When we having our first lesson, he came in, he was the missing student from our orientation. I was happy, momentarily. I decided to study, I made notes, and when he went overseas, I made even more notes, I decided to memorize EVERYTHING so that if he comes back and he needs help in anything, I could help him. I helped him with his speeches, his tutorials. He was getting better, and every single time I see him getting good grades, I was never bothered by the fact that while pushing him up to be the best, I was slipping down to the bottom. I was just so happy that he made it, to be good. I remembered everything he said, the first 3 things he said when he came to class, 2 truths, 1 lie. Everything he said to me, it’s all in my mind. All the others fill my mind with that he was making use of me, and all the horrible nonsense, but I never wanted to leave. In all honesty, if he ever liked me back, I’d never wanna be with him, only because I know I’m not the best for him. And that’s only why when I knew he had a girlfriend, I had only happiness and joy for him. I’m glad he found someone he loved, someone who he loved him. Well in any case if he even wanted to know, the reason why I chose to distant myself from him was because I didn’t wanna fall deeper. I knew I had to back off. And I don’t want any nonsense rumors. So I left. But when I left, I made sure he was already near his best. Even though I decided to leave, my heart was never over him. Not until I realized that it is just time to let it all go. Let him just be a memory that steals a secret heartache whenever I think of him. That’s all he’ll ever be. I’m over him, I may go crazy over him even when I see him in the future, I may like him and fall for him secretly in the future, but I will never ever go back to giving my all. I will leave him only as a memory, and yeah that’s all. I don’t know if this is love, to let him be his best with someone he loves, but what I do know is that I’m truly happy that he is happy.
As they said, to forget one is to love another.
I’m mad crazy over this guy. But you know after all your crazy love experiences, you know that you should hold this feelings in; either to let it grow or to fade. So I made a promise to myself, that only if I feel the same as I did right now, I’d tell him that I’ve had feelings for him in November.
Maybe I’ll just end up picking up all these pieces like how I’ve always did.
Seeing how all the EXes move on leading a happy life makes me real happy, because it only shows me that the choice I made to let them go was a right one.
Well, I won’t be humble, because yes I do have a fair share of admirers. So why not pick from any of them, you ask? Well here’s the problem. What I feel for them is only infatuation, and never will be love. I feel sad when someone I don’t like, likes me. I’ll be like “It’s all an infatuation, it’d fade away”. And I hope they would avoid me thereafter, why? I will admit it, when I find out that someone likes me, I’ll make use of them. You know?! So I don’t wanna be a bad kid. Move on kiddos.
So above are the few problems with me, I’m now single and ready to mingle! OK no. I’ve a boyfriend right now. Ah, he’s another story in my life. I’ll just talk about these in the next update of my love life. I just hope I’d have matured a little more by then.
Withlove,
Chloe.
1 comment:
So pretty <3
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