Without you I'd be miserable at best

I should learn to blog when I am happy. Because I know how at this point of time, that if you've been reading this space, I'm most certainly portrayed as someone who is always in continual sadness; which I am not. I was happy, happy for the past week before shit happens, before my mind blows certain small issues into earth-shattering ones.

Two songs to describe what I'm feeling: Breakeven(The Script) / Miserable at Best(Mayday Parade)

I'm not sure if I feel broken, or sadness? Or maybe none. Just helpless. Perhaps, it's all of the above, and sometimes too much of something, simply numbs you. Numb to the point where you feel as though everything's picture perfect when it's all breaking apart. This is hard.

I'm submerged in my very own puddle of guilt. Although, honestly, I feel there's nothing to feel guilty about. Yet somehow, guilt is able to find its way to my heart, and it's certainly making me feel extremely miserable. I cannot comprehend how wretched this whole episode makes me resemble. I feel horrible.

I wish not to make the issue of this post too obvious, nevertheless, I cannot fathom how you'd try your luck with someone, when you clearly know that s/he has something on with your friend. I've always acknowledged that making new friends regardless of their gender is always acceptable; even if you're attached. Although, at the very end, you feel that it was wrong, it still got me feeling so perplexed; the way you said those words. It was inappropriate. Honestly.

Yet in this whole chapter, I'm the one feeling so bitter when I clearly know it's not my issue. For all that, it made me realize how much I felt for him. I do not want to lose him. It's funny how I'm building my feelings on something so volatile.

I don't feel good at all, I feel absolutely miserable. MISERABLE. 

Always thought this phrase was true "I'm good by myself, but I'm better with you", guess it's vice versa. You are good with me, but I'm sure you're better without.

I don't know what's the point of this post, but I guess I really needed to spill these emotions, like my previous post said, I really need a bank to deposit all my feelings in. I'm obviously appearing too vulnerable and........ quite frankly, weak.

Shall end this loser post with a picture I found on tumblr:

 :( you're the best thing i've got right now, and to lose that, would send me back to...nothingness.