In 2007, the first time I saw you, I didn't like you. I thought you were rather unfriendly. I had the slightest idea of you. Then, we had to have our seating arrangement, I prayed so hard I wouldn't have to sit beside you, but be it fate or anything you call it, you sat beside me. That created a chance for me to get to know you better. Eventually I did. I loved talking to you a lot. Slowly, we became close friends. And during one of the holiday lessons, we had our very first picture together. Although we did talk, we weren't as close.
It was fast, 2008 arrived. In the class, there were many who shun me, many who disliked me. But to my delight, you stood by me till the end, you never left. I didn't cared about studies, I didn't cared about many things but you changed me. You were always there, you never failed me. I always had love problems, and I confided in you. You'd always give me endless advices, and when I'm sad you'll do things that make me laugh. Little did I know, how you felt for me. On this date in 2008, we got married. Husband and wife. I loved you so much, you meant so much more than my then boyfriend(s), you were always a priority to me. We were just so close. During your birthday, I gave you that key chain and that long note, plus two pen for your examinations (If you remember). Then, we had DISH ME C: It was a really nice and heart-warming experience for me, to have a family like you guys. To add on, I had you. We were more than just friends, I could always shout at anytime "husband", and I could always hug you anytime I wanted to. It was really nice, just having you.
Then 2009... this is the year. I have never expected to be in the same class as you again, because I've always thought you were very smart(apparently not) Ha ha. Well call it a coincidence, but our teacher arranged as side by side. No words were able to express the happiness I had. I would always write little notes to you, I always helped you with your writing of name. I and you were always connected. And for once I thought that was for forever. Then our seats were changed, this was what changed our lives. This was what made everything messed up. This was what caused my jealousy. I felt you didn't care enough for me, I felt so much. I made something that was supposedly a small matter to something so big. Then on the very same date 23/05 I passed you the "Divorce" thing. We had a talk thereafter, then I had this really big nonsense ego. Things took a wrong turn and.... I lost you for good. I knew from the beginning ever since May'09. I knew you liked her. I knew I was going to be replaced. I knew I was losing you. Yet I did nothing to pull you back, instead I did things that pushed you further and further away from me. Then, at the very moment I lost you, I realised how much I love you. I felt so stupid. Why hadn't I realized what you felt for me during 2007-2008? Why didn't I even realize my own feelings for you? You were my strongest love. Till now it hasn't changed. I'm not saying I want you, I'm saying that I really want you. But I've lost you. I have lost a perfect guy like you.
This year... it feels like we're strangers. One thing's for sure, we haven't speak a single word to each other this year. I feel that there's a wall in between us. I'm afraid when I talk to you, problems will arise. I'm afraid. I'm afraid by talking to you I'll fall for you again. I'm afraid, to feel afraid again. There are always times, times that I bump into you, we're less than 100cm apart but, I feel as if I'm thousand of kilometres away from you. I won't deny, I'm hurt. I can't call you husband as and when I want to, I can't hug you, I can't write notes to you, I can't love you the way I used to because you're not mine anymore.
But yknow something? I learnt a lot from you. You taught me that I must cherish the things and people around me. You taught me not to take things for granted. And most importantly, you taught me to love. Irfan, thank you. Thank you for everything you've done for me, little or big. Thank you for making a difference, an impact in my life. Maybe you wouldn't know, but thank you. Thank you for always being there, thank you for bearing with my nonsense, thank you for taking care of me, and of course -- thank you for loving me. I know you're a very careless boy, you often lose your things, and you're someone who always puts others first before yourself, that's a good thing, but don't let that be something that others can take advantage of. Definitely, the best part of you, my husband, you're faithful. You'll always love someone for a very long time, you'll put up with their nonsense. And you'll only give up when she has done something really unacceptable. I'm happy that now you've someone you love, and I have someone too. I'll not take him for granted. In all, Thank you. I will always have you in here *Points to heart* :)
"If you can't find any that's worth your love, then may I be the last love of you."
2 comments:
That's so sweet of you. I'm sure this guy will return back to you one day.
Anonymous > :) Thank you but he won't.
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