Always so insecure, so full of assumptions and lack of courage when it comes to the one I really fancy. Like okay, someone likes me and I probably act all whatever like I'm the best. But when it comes to someone I really like, I'm like a tortoise hiding in a shell. 

...always insecure: that I'm not pretty enough for him, that I'm too fat for him, that his girl friends surrounding him are prettier, why would he choose me? 

...always full of assumptions: that he will never like me as I do him, that he definitely has someone else he is going for, that he thinks me weird, that I'm not his kind of girl, that he will not like me for who I really am if he knew the real me, that I could never be what he wants me to be.

...always lack of courage: to tell someone that I like them. I'm not the kind that would wait for weeks, be friends and slowly be closer to you and then tell you I like you. I mostly just drop a bomb shell that ya, I have feelings for you (no matter how short a time I've known you). But for the guys that I am just crazy for their looks, I instantaneously confess my feelings; which surprisingly has a 8/10 returns (lol) but okay then I don't really like them. It's the guy that I really have feelings for but I lack the courage to ever let him know what I feel.

Why would you ever choose a daisy in a field of roses??? 

But okay, then I decide that if I lack courage AND seeing that he doesn't like me (assuming again but seriously idk what else to say), I will stop keeping hopes for him that he will ever notice my feelings. I will, move on. And this will be the last I have to say of him. :(!!!

:(

At times I think it would be easier if I ignored you outright, but that would not be fair because you've done nothing wrong. But if I do not put you transparent, then I will only feel the pain that I wish I could have bridged. The wavering line of just friends ... And how you continue to take an oblivious look to me. Yet... I'm still so fascinated by you.

!!!! I don't know what to do. Can you just tell me outright that you don't like and will never like me? Or that you've a girlfriend, or that you've someone else you like. So I can stop carrying hopes for you and not feel like an idiot every single time I see you. 

I need to remind myself that you suck and you're not my kind of guy. I need to remind myself you're just a crush, a silly stupid infatuation that I will be over within days or even hours. I need to know that you will never like me the way I do you. This sucks I know but I have to deal with it the way I dealt with how I shut the rest of them out. You're the first person that got my heart beating in 2014, and I thank you for that, but you will also be the first person that will break my heart.

You are gone before you even came. Always one-sided with this shit. 

You blame someone for leaving you and after it gets numb, you blame yourself, you self-destruct