The mistake I make is always assuming I have another chance, that there will be more time. Despite knowing very well that I do not have the answer to the expiry of time.
There are many examples but I quote the two recent ones that took place.
Both so close to my heart.
J - He left Singapore to take an extended break at places he loved.
a. J created an Instagram account and asked me to follow him - which i refused
and my refusal was out of willfulness, just for the sake of it
b. Till the day he was meant to fly, he asked for us to meet - I refused as well
my refusal was because we could always meet when he touched back down
c. He texted me while he was travelling but my replies were sparse to none
because it felt that he would always text me anyways
Now - he is dancing with the angels.
I cannot a. follow his instagram anymore because it's private, i can't see any of his remaining pictures, b. see him anymore ever, c. get a response from him ever again
All because I felt that there would be another chance.
But there wasn't.
There wasn't and there is still my lack of acceptance.
I may write now that he is dancing with the angels, but I will take it that he's on an extended trip.
He was 28 and I was 22.
I am now 28 and he will always be 34.
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G - was a good friend. Friend from a place I frequented. It wasn't to the extend where we hung out but it was a good friendship.
I was informed G would be moving to Australia to continue his work. (from G's colleagues)
Thought to reach out to him to wish him all the best in his move, and that we will see each other again next time.
But I delayed every single time I typed the text - Reason: Don't ask me I don't have an answer for that really.
Until the day I was being wishy washy still - I saw the picture on his profile removed.
Then I decided to click send but the message never went through - the number is now invalid.
--
So now I have an answer to a question I had from years ago:
Saying something you would regret or not saying something and regret wishing you said it
I would definitely say it...
Honestly the worst thing is probably embarrassment.
But you literally have 1 life and only 1 life to be embarrassed.
That's it for 2023 now peace out.
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